I'm not going to give up

Good morning, good Monday, good p-day!

Happy fall to everyone, it is so gorgeous here in Vancouver, freezing and leaves everywhere! Well i love you all so much, thank you (again) for all the support! i really do appreciate it :)

Las Hermanas

I never thought a part of my life would be consisted of worrying about the futures of SO MANY people. Every time i talk to someone I hesitate because i want them to have what i have and to know that its true, but i don't know how to express that in a couple seconds!!! It's so hard when you see someone progressing and feel it, but then some how Satan gets ahold of them and confuses them..... It was a tough week. a lot of out investigators told us they have no interest in changing or listening to us. For many days i continued to wonder "why am i out here? nothing is happening?" I worry about everything! I want so bad for people to know this gospel. This is the hardest work i have ever done. it is such a spiritual work that no one can describe, they must experience.

This week our most progressing investigator, B, told us she felt in her heart that she needs to go back to her old church.. she feels its right and that its where she belongs.. my heart about broke, and i almost started to cry... she said she didn't know how to tell us, but that she just wanted to be honest... I felt as if we did something wrong or as if we didn't try hard enough. It felt like someone broke up with me haha. We love her so much and she was so prepared, and she knows it too! its so hard to leave something when you felt nothing go wrong... we did everything we could, we taught with clarity, she had the most amazing friend/fellow shipper, and she came to church with her kids, everything... we tried, so hard... finding her and having her come to church was my "ah-ha" moment of why i am a missionary... and now that we are not teaching her any more its my "what the heck?" moment of why i am a missionary. we accepted what she had told us, because she truly prayed for an answer, and that is what she said she received and we cant deny it! it tore my heart... but we expressed our love for her, and she did the same to us. we peacefully left a strong spirit in her home by singing a song. :) It was a hard good-bye for teaching her, but we still want to visit her before either one of us gets transferred... We know that in the future will be the right opportunity for her, ojala!

Later that day and the next day a few more people dropped us.. i keep thinking 'how the heck is Christ supposed to come when no one is accepting the gospel?" this truly is the best time to serve a mission but one of the hardest times.

the next couple days we had no success, we had no lessons.. but we got outside and we tried, but i guess we didn't try hard enough. Heavenly Father makes sure we still have faith, because i thought everything was going so great and awesome! but now is the trial of faith, to get back up and keep pushing along, keep knocking those doors, searching day and night for those people, or that one person who is waiting!

Vancouver Sky

so yes, after a long rough week it is a sunny and new week! I am not a perfect missionary, nor will i ever be. i am trying my best to work towards strengthening my testimony of the savior and of his gospel... its tough as a missionary .. its hard because there is not enough time in the day to study and remember things, there is no time to take a day off and reflect, you just keep working and moving along.  sorry this is a long and depressing email, but I'm working on trying a little harder to be a little better each day.

Doctrine and Covenants 20: 37 ...having a determination to serve him to the end...

on the bright side, my companion is so awesome and has learned a little Russian from one of our Russian friends, and she was able to use it while talking to a Russian lady. ahah it was so cool!

I love you all so much, everyone asks how long Ive been out.. yup 8 months... they say "almost to half way!' and then i freak out, where has the time gone?! I had one baptism i had in Hood River.  right when i feel success for the lords work, everything turns into dust. i know its Heavenly father testing my faith, i have patience, i cant wait... i question things to easy. gahh its my weakness!

I love this work and i am not going to give up!! yes i will struggle, every missionary will.. but there is such a determination in me to finish this mission, to try my best to change someones life, whether i see it or not i know one day i will see a miracle that i was apart of.  i love this gospel and i know it is true!

we did have little miracles this week, sister T(an amazing member missionary) found a family at the store!! They are interested in us visiting them, so hopefully that happens this week!

 Doctrine and covenants 90:11

so here is a letter of joy my mission president emailed to all the missionaries! THIS is my focus this week and the rest of my mission. truly words given to him from the Spirit, he knew i(and many other missionaries) needed to hear this:

"Sometimes even the very best get distracted. In the mission field, the most common distraction is discouragement. We all get discouraged at times because this is hard work and success is more important than any other work we will ever do, so discouragement is always going to be part of the calling. It may be impossible to avoid discouragement, but it is essential that we do not give in to it. Trying to avoid discouragement in the mission field is sort of like trying to avoid the rain in Washington. We know it will happen so the key is in dealing with it. To be sure, it is one of Satan's best tools.

One of the best ways to deal with discouragement is to keep things in perspective. Elder Maxwell said this: "This life's temporal lens distorts. The things of the moment are grossly magnified, and the things of eternity are blurred or diminished. Even something as small as a man's thumb, when held very near the eye, can blind him to the very large sun. Yet the sun is still there. Blindness is brought upon the man by himself. When we draw other things too close, placing them first, we obscure our vision of heaven."

In this great work of salvation, we cannot know what the Lord will do in the next few seconds of our life. We can only do what He has asked us to do and do it with faith in Him whose work this is. Take for example the work of a stonecutter. I take this quote from Jacob Riis: "When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two,and I know it was not that blow that did it but all those that had gone before."

So it is with us, we can never know which person will be the one that will accept our message even though we have talked with a hundred people all ready, it may well be that hundred and first one that will be golden. Let's keep our mission in perspective and that will allow us to deal with temporary bouts with discouragement. As we do, we will see the hand of the Lord in all we do.

May the Lord bless the great Washington Vancouver Mission
President and Sister Taylor

Have a great week, i love you all! A la obra!  ~  Alma 29: 8-10